I shouldn't have to

 I shouldn't have to remind you of what you witnessed
Nor to give you sordid details of what hurts in every aspect
I shouldn't have to keep asking for your attention
Nor to be important enough for your consideration
I shouldn't have to scream out my pain to be heard
Nor should I be told I am crazy when it happens 
I shouldn't have to accuse you or excuse me
Nor should I feel left unheard as a lifelong pain
I shouldn't have to be mean to you 
Nor mean to myself, just to get you to see me
I've told you some of what has occured, who I am
This was an invitation to a conversation, for you
Because, you claim your occupation is to love even me. 

I was too broken November 3, 2022

 It's not that I didn't value you
I saw your worth, but couldn't find any value in me
It's not that I didn't listen to you
Your words reached me through filters of self-loathing
It's not that I wanted to lose you
I didn't know how to find myself to hold onto you
I wanted to be in love with you
It is that I was too broken to believe in love for me
It really was never, ever you
I was trying to reach you, through the maze of being me
It is not that I don't miss you
I know that I was the constant lie in our relationship
It's that we never knew each other
Because, not once in that past life was I ever really me. 
I was too broken to put myself together, even for you
If I could have done so, I would have, all for you.