What do I want out of life?

I want to be a person with such positivity - real, honest, very seldom met positivity- and equilibrium, such a state of health and fitness - not showy, bulging muscles or preening, overly-sexualized fitness -that it makes other people uncomfortable, while drawn to me in wonder.

This is not ego. This is not about building a fan base, or, feeling special. I have met a few persons who were healthy and calm individuals, of such a nature, and, I loved them. That's all. One of them was very inwardly shiny, to the point where the sister I was studying with, at the time, told me, preparing me to meet him soon, "And, no, he is not one of the annointed. People always think he is, because ... well, you'll see." 

He actually glowed with health. I am thinking, now, that he was someone who fasted. Yes, it could have been the holy spirit, but, I think, if so, it is more that the holy spirit encouraged him to fast, either directly or indirectly; because, I have seen some who are annointed, and, they do not glow like he did. And, because, I have seen people who had a very good bit of fasting, who were very calm and much shinier people than they used to be.

I want to be able to walk like I used to, but, with more enjoyment of the journey, instead of it being a way to do something other than sit or lay and moan in pain. Instead of it being a way to work out the stress built up by pain, physical and emotional, in the hopes of being able to sleep, at least a little.

I am writing this, because, somewhere, in one of the books I was reading on health, the subject of "Why are you fat?" was brought up again, but, in a different format. Instead of saying, "What is wrong with you?" it was more, "What do you want to be right with you?"  As in, "What is your motivation - the joy you will receive out of your efforts - to change your life for the better."

Because, whether you are talking about reading the Bible or attending meetings, or, eating more salads, or, breaking up with someone abusive, or, whatever it is, no matter how likely it is that it should make your life better, you have to know it will and feel it will. Because, fear motivates in sparse spurts, in-between bouts of depression, remorse, panic or other negatives. FInd your joy, and, you can work your change.

I want to walk to the grocery store, whether it is the one approximately 1 mile away or the one that is  more like 7 miles away, to get what fresh veggies and fruits (mainly) that I need for the next few days, and, come home feeling challenged, perhaps, but, not broken. Maybe making a meal afterward, or, maybe eating some of the fruits and veggies along the way. Or, both.

Doesn't matter.

I want to do the things that "weirdos" do. Like, long-term fasting. Mono-eating. Only eating one meal a day, or, one meal every three days. Just because.

I want to walk so much and work my feet into such a properly calloused state that I won't have to worry about if my hiking boots can last 1,000 miles - which, by the way, ALL hiking boots should be able to last walking at least 10 miles a day for at least 1.5 years, so, what's that about? - because, on most days, I won't be wearing them.

This is while I am walking some long trail, mind you, and, keeping my hiking boots near me, in case of ants or running into exceedingly cooler temperatures.

But, mostly, the reason I want to be like this is so that I can get up every morning, get cleaned up, exercised, write some on my blog or book, or, paint, and, all that sort of thing; and, get my studying done, go out in service, even if it means walking to some place a good clip away; get home, get dressed, do my wage work or more studying, and/or get ready and go to the meeting. Or, maybe even walk to the meeting, throughout the day, being out in service along the way. Coming home. Going to bed at a reasonable hour of 10 p.m. or so, and, joyfully, energetically, doing it all again, the next day and the next day and every other day, until we have a different life to live.

Serving Jehovah is the greatest joy, most important work, highest motivator for change. But, it still helps to focus on the particulars of what I want out of life, how life would work, with that in mind.

What about you?

What do you want out of life? What would make you happy? Not giddy, lustful, satisfied for the moment, less sad; but, truly happy. Why don't you have it? And, how are you going to get it?